Our Dad
Our wonderfully warm and quirky Dad, Peter Francis Vigurs, was diagnosed with terminal cancer in January 2021 and died a year later, on 18th February 2022.
In many ways it was an example of a privileged and ‘good’ death, in that his death was both expected, supported and relatively comfortable. We remain grateful that we had time to talk, plan and prepare as a family, which we know is not possible for everyone.
Dad wanted to talk about life and death a lot in his last year. He chose the music to be played at his funeral and a poem he wanted to be read at the burial. It gave us a real lived appreciation of the importance of advance funeral planning and the value of personal legacy work – and especially the value of doing this work while the person is still alive.
When we heard that Dad was dying, we instinctively set about creating a living legacy project for him that we hoped he could benefit from while still alive. We commissioned potter and friend, Carole Glover, to make a large ceramic memory jar. We then sent illustrated postcards to Dad’s friends, colleagues and acquaintances asking them to send memories, photos and trinkets to fill the jar.
Dad loved receiving items for the jar. It brought him real joy.
It facilitated a process of deliberate and active remembering, as well as allowing Dad to meaningfully reconnect with people he’d lost touch with. We also set up the ‘Positively Peter Vigurs’ Facebook group, which again allowed Dad to interact and reminisce with a range of people from his across his life. It became a lively community affair, which Dad relished being part of. He even said that his last year was the best year of his life. That’s quite a testament for living legacy work.
We also carried out other ‘story keeping’ work, which included 50 recorded interviews with Dad where he told stories about different eras of his life. He also played his guitar for us and used annotated maps to retrace some of his favourite travels. Being able to listen back to his voice is comforting for us, and these recordings are a lasting legacy for the grandchildren.
Additionally, our librarian Mum spent time in the digital media archives and curated a ‘Peter in the Papers’ series of articles, spanning several decades of Dad’s work in museums and art galleries, which she shared through the Facebook group.
Finally, at our request, Dad accompanied us to Carole Glover’s studio to make ceramic moulds of his handprints, which we then cast and glazed. We have these handprints on display in our homes and enjoy still being able to hi-five Dad after his death.
Before his terminal diagnosis, Dad always said he wanted to be cremated, but in his last year he changed his mind, opting for a woodland burial instead. He commissioned the weaving of a willow coffin by a local artist and we were thrilled to be able to take part in both the weaving itself and delivering the coffin to Dad (it just about fitted in Katy’s Nissan Juke). He described the willow coffin as a thing of beauty, and, perhaps more importantly, that it made death feel less alien. We then stored it in the garage until it was required a few months later.
We also visited the chosen woodland burial ground on the New Year’s Day before Dad died, with Dad on videocall so that he could be part of the reconnaissance trip. These things really helped the family and Dad come to terms with his impending death.
After Dad died, we were able to use the memories and stories shared through the legacy projects to write a loving, personal and richly detailed funeral ceremony. We made badges for guests to wear at the funeral that included Dad’s favourite lines from a Beatles song. We also used old family fabric to line the inside of the coffin and then decorated the outside with foliage and greenery picked from the back garden of our family home.
We invited friends and family to collect feathers prior to Dad’s woodland burial and then to adorn his coffin with them during the ceremony. This felt like a fitting tribute to a lifelong birdwatcher.
This deathwork we undertook with Dad, before and after he died, inspires our work as DEAD GOOD every day. Thank you PFV.
A personal and fitting do-it-yourself tribute
In September 2022, six months after our dad died Lindsey was commissioned by B Arts to create a public art installation in Stoke. She used this moment in space and time to create a temporary large-scale artwork which would commemorate and celebrate Peter in his adopted home of Stoke on Trent.
Watch Lindsey’s video documenting the installation and metamorphosis of the memorial during its month-long lifespan.
‘IT’S OKAY TO DECAY’
Prints available to buy here