Mental health conditions and deathwork

This is a challenging post to write and possibly a challenging post to read, but we promised one of our clients that we would share these thoughts with you. 

[Before you read on we want to advise that there is mention of suicide ideation & marginalisation in this post.]

Recently we were commissioned - by someone whom we've known since we were children and whom we're very fond of - to support them to pre-plan their funeral wishes.

They are neurodivergent and live with mental health conditions, which includes 

suicide ideation as an ongoing feature of their life.

They contacted us to express their interest in pre-planning their funeral wishes, but said they weren't sure if this service was available 'to people like them'.

These are some of the things they feel, said in their own words:

"I've never considered anything other than a suicide funeral for me, which I assumed would be completely left up to those left behind. I didn't think I'd deserve any kind of celebration. So I haven't been able to think about my funeral wishes, because I didn't think it was allowed if you have suicidal thoughts." 

"I always assumed it would be a funeral filled with shame and embarrassment. That people would want to do it quickly, no bells or whistles, no flowers."

"I assumed I had no right to choose anything to do with my funeral. I didn't feel I deserved any kind of planning, because there's a chance my funeral might come about because of me & that is seen as shameful & selfish. But, of course, my death might not come about because of me. That too is possible." 

"I want this shared because I think others in my position think like this too. There is too much stigma and shame and embarrassment. I want this to change."

We supported them to complete their funeral wishes via an asynchronous exchange of texts and voicenotes (rather than via a face-to-face session).

The ongoing exchanges were tender, personal, funny, open, warm and compassionate.

But we are aware there is a lot more for us to consider & learn on the back of this commission. We take this seriously.

[We recommend @cait.deatheducation for knowledge on issues around suicide]

LOVEYOUBYE